Words do matter.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent
about things that matter~ martin luther king
Words heal..
Words reassure..
Words express...

The 'romantic' car



This one is sketched by my 10 years old Brother :)
“You know what you are a psycho... and crazy and idiot and... whatever. You understand what I mean?” Anamika stood there screaming her lungs out on me as I lay on bed unperturbed, ever so cool. Yeah I understand what she ‘means’. “I don’t understand you sometimes. One moment you are this sad like you will just run till the lake bare foot and jump! ... and sometimes- alike now, you behave so stupid, like those dreamy eyed, senseless people who know nothing except that mushy, cheesy fairytale romances!” she continued.

“Would you like to have hot chocolate?” I asked. “Wait let me first put on some music” since you’re going to continue lecture for quite sometime now.

“You think it’s a joke right? This all stupidity is normal for you.” Anamika was red- with anger, frustration, if only she knew how much I was enjoying right now, I would have been dead by now, to say the least.

“So rock or blues? I guess blues are better, since that’s what you always are- blue.” I winked and regretted doing that the very next moment as her forehead clouded with some more wrinkles and she gave me that trade-mark warning sign by narrowing her eyes on me. I guess play time is over. Sigh. “OK!” I stepped ahead and made her sit on bed with me. “Now just spit out whatever is irritating you”

“It’s you dim wit-dumb-thick-fool!” Another scream and I am sure my ears will give away.

“OK! And what else I did apart from ruining your sleep at 3 am half a dozen times or taking your name at home while I was away with him or… hey I never even curse your Arjun and I even convinced your mom for taking you out for hills ride. What did I do wrong then?” I refrained from telling her that I still love her no matter how ugly her hair had become after that intense chemical treatment… Rebonding? Whatever! I actually loved those wavy curls.

“Oh yeah? You took MY name while you were roaming with that MORON and don’t even remind me of the early morning or midnight calls you do when you have those Blue-attacks, you talk insane, you behave insane moreover you make me insane along with you!”  And I hereby declare that my ears will never work properly after so much of harassment by a highly insane creature. “And you do curse Arjun when I tell you that he hadn’t called me since a week!”

“See, I do care for you! How dare that guy even think of living without calling his girlfriend for a week! How can I not hate the person who hurts my best friend?”

“But he could be busy.”

“Duh! Being busy is nothing. It’s all about priorities”

“Maybe I am not needed anymore.” She sighed. So did I. I know we were behaving like 12 year oldies at 19, shame? Na, it’s only her with whom I can behave like that. “Ok, let's be serious now. How are you now?” I hate these ‘serious’ talks.

“Feeling tired after the verbal fight with you” did I say that to earn a smack on my arm, probably. “Ok! I am perfectly fine, actually the best I ever felt no actually I feel high without even any booze.” She narrowed her eyes on me- so that the last warning to my insanity or I might be awarded with something lethal than that smack. “You know what. I have thought a lot. And after all that I convinced myself that buying a car is better than walking in relationship.”

“And now I am convinced that you have finally lost the remaining wits that I thought were present.” she got up to leave, highly frustrated and… dangerous.

“Ok, hear me out and then you may leave. I am serious.” She showed her trade-mark frown and sat back again. “Great! Now you see, my car never denies taking me out when I fell like going somewhere, unless I am not showering enough love (fuel) on it. It sings my favorite music to me all the time to woo me. Wherever I be, it is always waiting outside ‘for me’ no matter if its hot summers or freezing winters, romantic isn’t it?” here came the another series of eye-daggers. I still went on ignoring her weird stares “It's faithful, romantic, comfortable to be with and most of all it won’t leave me at any point unless I want to let it go.”

“You are crazy! Take care, good bye” with that she moved towards door again.

“And by the way they do make me sigh with appealing looks too. Hotter than even Leonardo DiCaprio? Nah, maybe not but still...”

“CRAZY!”

“I know”

“Good bye”

I slumped back on bed yet again pulling out yet another chocolate from the chocolate box lying next to me. Chocolates are well known aphrodisiacs, ain’t it? 

From somewhere far I heard ‘verve’ screeching out what I wanted to scream aloud too.

I was blind - didn't see
What was here in me
I was lost - insecure
Felt like the road was way too long, yeah
Cause love is noise and love is pain
Love is these blues that we're feeling again
Love is noise and love is pain
Love is these blues that I'm singing again, again, again...





#11 The 'touch' it was


Though ‘twas smooth,
Yet sparks flew.
Soft and gentle,
Yet passion intact.

Calmness of sea,
Warmth of the sun.

Silence spoke volumes,
Yet no songs heard.
Budding new feelings,
Deep seated emotions.

The touch 'twas
something new, something rare..




Image courtesy: Google

#10 Uncertainty


Unsaid words, unexpressed emotions
There’s this pinch of pain even in bliss
Uncertainty of future, fear of losing
Imperfections of life, awful and amusing...


Maybe... The Solitary Truth.




A/N- 1- As many of people have been asking me if the previous stories have been my real story then it’s to confirm that-NO, they aren’t! They are pure fiction except few references.
Life isn't a fairytale to be so magical and free of all problems. And for this following one, well, this is a real story, purely based on real incidents and characters.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe…


Friary, 8 may, 2009                   

“You’re trembling” Vandana held my hand as I reached to apply mascara on her eye-lashes.

“I know” duh! Like I won’t know that I am trembling.

“That you are. I am asking why?”

“Uh… maybe I am bit tensed about tonight.” I answered lost. Point to be noted- when you have something up your nerve you ought to get irritated easily than ever before, even on some meager questions like this! “Vandana! It’s your marriage in case you have forgotten!” I yelled out of frustration. God! How am I going to keep my calm tonight?

“Yes! I remember. That’s what I am asking. It’s MY marriage. Why are you this nervous? See you have even started sweating!” she said touching my temples. I was indeed sweating, even in air conditioned room.

“Uh... Umm... I know it’s your marriage but … hey! I am maid of honor. Don’t I have enough rights to get nervous?”  Second point to be noted- in nervousness, you sometime don’t even make sense!
She looked at me with the look that of Sherlock Holmes. Mind you, she seemed too chilled out to be called the bride tonight. Aren’t brides meant to get clumsy, excited on their wedding? Well, she is a weirdo then!

“It’s about Mayank right?” she popped up. Didn’t I just say something like Sherlock Holmes? Even better, she works without the 3x zoom magnifying glass!

I met her eyes for micro-seconds before I got back to mascara application. “No” Look somewhere else. Look somewhere else. She is expert in reading eyes! “It isn’t” god! What do I do? HELP!

She silently nodded and turned towards the mirror again. “He is coming on wedding tonight”

No he isn’t! He has his major exams going on. How I wish it was true. He isn’t coming. Sob Sob! All these 4 months since this wedding was announced; I was waiting like a love sick puppy to meet him after 5 months and 10 days- 192 days exact since 29 October, 2008. This is could have been our 3rd official meeting, but I guess the power above those clouds isn’t willing yet to end my wait. Why me? Why me?

“I heard his mom mentioning this to yours. She was saying that today is his last major and he’ll reach the venue during reception.”  She said while maneuvering her dangler earrings through the tiny hole in her earlobes. Ok! That’s it.

“You must have heard it wrong! He isn’t coming! Ok? HE IS NOT!” I yelled again. “After all the things I did preparing for this day of your marriage wishing that maybe… maybe I’ll get to see him again after 6 dreading months, all I get to know is that NO! He has his majors going on and so is unable to grace this marriage with his holy presence.” Huh! I didn’t want to yell on her today, but she really tests my patience sometime. Why does she always have to poke on my paining nerve?

She looked at me unperturbed as if I just yelled on walls not her. “Are you done with your rambling?” She flashed her usual smirk. Suspicion alert! I narrowed my eyes on her. There’s definitely something up her sleeve!

“Is there something that I SHOULD know but don’t?”

“A lot more than you can imagine” with this she got up and went into the washroom attached to the vanity room of the bride.

Hallelujah! Hadn’t she been my sister she might have died on her wedding day, right here, right now!

I cursed her. I cursed my fate. I cursed every single thing that right now was raising my irritation; from my 100 yards spread black gown to my 3 inches heels, from the dull brown curtains to the closed door of washroom where Vandana had locked herself from past… 1 minute. What did she meant? What do I don’t know?

*knock*

Someone’s at the door of bride’s room, but I am not going to answer. I have much many important things to think right now!

“NUPUR!”  Ahh… my ever annoying brother Gaurav! “OPEN THE DOOR”

Stomping my 3 inched heels with every step I reached the door. “WHAT?” he raised his brows giving the same expression that of Vandana which further implies that of Sherlock Holmes… mind you, again without that 3x zoom magnifying glass! Genetic disorder!

“I have got news… but your face tells another story. What happened?” sometimes he is just so caring. Maybe that’s the reason I had told him everything about Mayank, though there’s nothing much to it.

“Nothing. Had some usual argument with Vandana”

“Oh! Ok” he nodded knowingly, it was so usual of me to get in argument with Vandana, regards to her ever irritating behavior. “Well, I came to tell you something…” he surely has no idea what I want to hear at the moment. No, wait, he DOES have idea but obviously no one can do anything to make me feel better other than the person himself! “Uh! Umm… he is outside” he said slowly, his eyes flashed calculation and mischief.

“Who ‘he’?” Of course it won’t be the one I want him to be. Alas!

“The one for whom you have coaxed me several times into making a fool of myself calling him or texting him uselessly” he smirked, just the way Vandana did. Family copyrighted trait I guess.

“You are kidding right? He couldn’t be here. I told you I had texted him in noon to wish good luck for exam and he had replied with a thank you too, and FYI just in case you forgot he lives 5 hours far and that implies he CAN’T come tonight. Why can’t both of you get the fact straight in one go?”

“Stop chanting the same monologue again and go outside and confirm yourself!” this came from Vandana, who somewhere between my and Gaurav's chat, had finally came out of washroom.

“How come you are so sure about it? Wait… did any of you talked to him out of my knowledge?” they both looked at each other and shared a Hi5. The suspicion hormone started secretion at the rate directly proportional to the mischief on their faces increased. Pushing Gaurav aside I moved out of the vanity room. Picking up the flares of my so fluffy gown I marched towards the royal lawn where ceremony was to take place. Actually it wasn’t just a vanity room but a whole cottage kind of structure where we had a little alley connecting lawn to the cottage. The entry of the lawn was visible from the alley itself and the whole lawn becomes visible by walking few steps more.

I was in the alley only when Gaurav came from behind and fell in steps with me.

“If it came out as a joke I swear I’ll kill you right… OMG!”  Standing at a distance of 15 feet in front of me in the pitch black shirt and trousers stood the Greek-god himself. I froze in my steps. This can’t be true! He wasn’t coming. How can… he couldn’t!

He had his back towards me as he talked to Samrat and Arpit. Its must have been eternity that I kept staring at his back until Gaurav pushed me behind a pillar. I almost stumbled down with the force applied by him; for the records the force gave some torque to the center of mass of my body cause pillar just saved me from toppling down like a chopped tree.

“What the hell!!!”

“I am not asking you to stop throwing these longing stares at his back. For god sake! He is still unaware of the feelings you have developed for him!”  I lowered my eyes embarrassed. He is right. Mayank doesn’t even have a clue that someone is pinning for him so badly. “Samrat noticed you standing there and staring at Mayank like that so… You may continue from here now” he winked and left from there leaving me alone behind that pillar. However annoying and irritating Gaurav maybe but he still is the best brother in the world!

I looked back at the place where trio stood, laughing and talking animatedly with his hands moving in air as he spoke was intriguing the most. Many of our knowns said he doesn’t talks much; he’s quiet and reserved, maybe shy too. But the last meeting at his home, 6 months back had clarified many of those rumors.

Standing behind pillar and spying might sound stupid but that was one moment I never can forget. 6 long months come in account to reach that single moment. I wouldn’t even mind if somehow god decides to freeze the world at the moment. This way the smile on his face will stay forever and so will he stay in my sight.

‘I don’t need a constant reassurance for you to be mine,
I don’t need another life of little more time,
All I need is you to stay at a distance…
For I can see you, admire you, making memories of the stance…’

“Love the one who’ll love you” Gaurav muttered under his breath.  The return of the devil-part II.

“And who asked for the ‘unwanted’ expert advice?”

“Miss. I-love-him-unconditionally, Vandana is calling you inside… Else I wouldn’t have bothered disturbing your private moment” he chuckled while rolling eyes at me-typical sarcastic Gaurav Vasudeva.

“I saw that” pushing him aside yet again and picking up those damned heavy flares… whoof! Yet again, I dragged myself inside.

“Are you ready?” I asked barging inside the room. Instead of an anxious and hyperventilating bride, Vandana was lying leisurely on the sofa sipping her orange juice.

“So you met him finally?” she raised her eye brows popping a French fries stick inside her mouth, I answered by shaking my head. ‘Please let me go outside and resume my admiring session?’ “Whom am I kidding with? You came back on your own feet is itself a conquest after having seen your his–royal-highness!” yeah! Yeah! I agree.

“Get ready guys. You have to be out in 15 minutes. It’s time for the arrival of the bride” Shilpa aunty announced rushing into the vanity room. “Oh god! Look at your posture! Get up right now” I giggled while Vandana cursed under her breath before getting up and arranging her wedding gown. I helped her giving the final touches to her make up and pinning some wild layers of the gown. Must say, she looked like a princess in this pearl shade gown, on the most beautiful day of one’s life. The happiness only increased with addition of the fact that she was marrying Sachin jeej, the love of her life, after 3 years of courtship. I was happy for her; at least she could get to spend her life with her love… at least!

After breathing deeply thrice, I stepped out with bouquet of flowers in my hand after Vandana. GOD! Why do I have to be in the lime light tonight? Couldn’t this be someday else…

From the moment we stepped in alley to the hour long ceremony including the marriage registrar's signing formality I had to accompany Vandana being the maid of honor. Whole the time only thing that was crossing my mind was- HIM!

What if he recognized me? What if he is just around the main stage and will pop up any second in my sight? How will I save my heart from the 'potential' heart attack? God!! Is there still someone above out there? I seriously need a 'divine intervention' right now!

Somehow I DID survive the ceremony and now I was free as the bride and groom were seated for reception. I started towards the vanity room, trying to sneak out of the nervous atmosphere only to be stopped by Shilpa aunty. My dearest fate!

"Hey! Where are you heading to? Come here and help me in entertaining guests. Come!" she held my arm and dragged me towards the crowd again. Divine intervention please!

She took me to a group of 5-6 ladies which included my mom, Vandana’s mom and Mayank’s mom too. 
I could see that I was standing there for mere sake of presence; neither was I needed nor I wanted to be. I moved some steps back trying to test my chance to sneak away again without getting noticed. And I almost succeeded too until I turned around only to bang into someone. A specifically head-on collision where addition of initial momentum of bodies is equal to the final momentum of the combined mass. Chuck it! The point of question was whom I banged in?


Here comes the much awaited ‘divine intervention’. It's HIM!
I stared right in his eyes still not able to comprehend the turn of events. One moment I am relieved that I won't have to face him and next moment I am standing here staring into his eyes, 'Staring' being the keyword.


"Sorry-" he said before bending down. What was he doing? Maybe a new style of saying sorry by touching the goddess earth! Reference to the second point- in nervousness- we don't make sense! And right now I had all the rights to be dead clumsy.

He stood back picking up his phone from the floor which must have fell down when we both collided. Point to be noted- this WASN'T typical collision that of bollywood movies where heroine is about to fall after the collision and hero just saves her by holding her waist using all his super human reflexes.

"Oh! Did you guys meet yet? I was going to ask you to talk to her and give her some tips regarding the competition exam you cleared last year" My mom exclaimed from somewhere behind me. Yupp sure! I need those 'tips' more badly than the wish to get away from here right now.

"Hi. How are you?" he asked. I smiled genuinely for the first time since the ceremony began; after all not only he recognized me but he just spoke to me too! ^_^

 "I am fine. How was your exam?"


He sighed "let’s just say I am happy that they ended finally…" I smiled at that, not on the fact that we were finally face to face but that I am yet not feeling any blockage in my breathing system or any blood vessels, which implies- No heart attack yet!

The conversation that started near the ladies crowd ended up on a huge round table with two of us sitting adjacent to each other, leaving space for two baby elephants between our seats.
The conversation went on to my coaching’s to his collage, from my books to his professors, from me loving dance and him hating the idea of behaving like monkeys, from me trembling yet again and him asking why, from me showing the best of my clumsiness attacks and him being the calmest soul on earth.

Just to be brief, the conversation might have been filler if there had been someone else on his place but only the mere presence of his name in a sentence makes my heart jump out of my body. A simple ‘hi’ and ‘hello’ from him makes my day worth mentioning in my diary of memorable days. That’s his effect on me. 

After that SHORT talk, I was called for some to-hell-with maid of honor duties. And when I was finally allowed to go, all I came to see was him and his family waving goodbyes to Vandana's parents at the exit and before I knew they were no where to be seen.

This is how a much-awaited-day of my life, which still qualified to be noted in my diary, ended; which as usual left me wanting for more of his sight.


 ‘I choose to love you in Silence…
For in silence I receive no rejection

I choose to love you in Loneliness…
For in loneliness no one owns you but I.

I choose to love you from a Distance…
For distance will shield us from pain.

I chose to imprison you in my thoughts…
cause in my thoughts, freedom is for me to decide.

I choose to hold you in my Dreams…
For in my dreams, you have no end.

That is what you are to me.
In all honesty, I find it hard to believe, 

that I will ever love somebody, 
the same way I loved you.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



DISCLAIMER- I take no credit for the lines in purple… they are not my creation. No offence intended to the original writer.
A/N- 2- As I had said in the start, this is a real story, thus for a change – NOT a fairytale. Story after this is insignificant till now, as the characters never had a confession or confrontation on the issue. I’ll definitely write the next part when something, if ever, happens in future to the real characters.